A sunny Sunday in London, Europe still to play for, and the opportunity to banish the memories of Wednesday night. What's not to love? One last preview and we're done. Over to you, Lee!
How to deal with a Football Team with split personality disorder?
You may need to develop different ways of managing when different parts of their identity are taking over. It may help to try and find some way of relating to each part of their identity.
Try to stay calm.
I wish some fucker had shown me this back in August ahead of a campaign that has seen us beat PSG, Man City, Arsenal, Spurs, Chelsea, Man Utd and Villa (both twice), whilst almost unbelievably managing to have our arses handed to us by Luton, Forest, Bournemouth and Everton in the very same season.
Let's be honest, it's been utterly mental.
At long last though, a season that has had more ups and downs than Stormy Daniels' arse draws to its bi-polar conclusion on Sunday afternoon at a stadium with ironically the least character in the Premier League: The Gtech Community Stadium.
Make no mistake, this is a game that we have to win if we are to dust off our passports for anything other than stag-do's, hen parties, or trips to Lapland in the latter part of 2024.
Why do we HAVE to win? Man Utd could slip up at Brighton, couldn't they? Well, having made the trip to Old Trafford to see the most utterly turgid version of Manchester Reds I have seen in my lifetime draw level with us on points on Wednesday, I can confirm that they will somehow, inexplicably, find a way to win at the Amex - and would do so even if their starting forward line consisted of Eric Ten Hag, Steve McLaren, and Jim Ratcliffe.
Pissing off Mags far and wide when it really matters is just what they do, and what they have done since the mid-nineties: so, we simply have to win if we are to finish above them for the first time since football was invented way back in 1992 ( Sky Sports) and return to the European fray*.
TF Match Report - Man Utd 3-2 Newcastle Utd
Somewhat fittingly, given the fact that most of our squad have been drawing queue tickets for the physio's room since late August, Sunday will once again see Eddie send out a patched-up version of Newcastle United - at no point in August did anyone think that the last day of the season would see us relying on Emil Krafth and Martin Dubravka to secure European football, surely?
Eddie's injury updates at today's presser did nothing to quell the speculation surrounding Callum Wilson: "We anticipate he will be fit" being the only comment offered on that particular subject. Personally, I'm inclined to believe Wilson's 'Illness' is a line being peddled by the club to protect his value - any suitors for our No 9 are less likely to be put off by a bout of sickness and diarrhoea (ahem), than the fact his hamstrings are made of cheese strings.
Other news saw Howe confirm that Anthony Gordon is also a doubt for Sunday as a result of absolutely no foul being committed on our favourite Scouser on Wednesday night that resulted in an injured ankle / ripped sock.
Personally, I'd be amazed to see Wilson anywhere near the squad on Sunday, but fully expect Gordon to make the starting line-up: Remember, 'availability is the best ability' eh, Callum?
After a shocking run that dragged them into the relegation conversation, 'Salty' Thomas has steadied the Bees' ship with a run that has seen them lose only one of their previous 8 games (Everton (a)), so anything we get will have to be earned.
Burn & Krafth will have to be on their game against the, albeit, out of form Ivan Toney, whilst Lewis Hall will need to continue his good form against the dangerous Mbeumo. But I genuinely believe that, should we see the return of Pope, Joelinton and Harvey Barnes to the starting line-up, we will achieve the win we need to once again secure trips to Eastern Europe and beyond next season*.
TF Player Ratings - Man Utd 3-2 Newcastle Utd
My 50p this week, therefore, will be on a glorious 2-1 away win, with Bruno as an anytime scorer (60/1 at Paddy Power) ...remember though kids, when the fun stops, STOP.
Whatever happens on Sunday - European qualification or not - I believe that this season has been one of learnings that will ultimately benefit the club moving forwards; the coaching staff will have learnt a huge amount on how to manage a squad through a four-competition campaign, summer signings will be made with the 'here and now' in mind, and any due diligence on said new signings will be taken to a different level. The medical team meanwhile will surely improve ten-fold as a result of the ludicrous amount of overtime they've had to put in.
So, despite some amongst our ranks seeing this season as 'disappointing', there is much to be excited about as we look forward to season 24-25; United are now firmly established in what is fast becoming a 'Big 8', and the return of a fit and ready Botman, Pope, Joelinton, Willock and Tonali will undoubtedly be supplemented by 2-3 quality summer additions. With a fair wind behind us, who knows what we may have achieved by this time next year.
So, rest, recuperate, renew your season tickets, and for one last time this season...
Howay the F*ckin Lads!!!
Lee Forster @LeeDForster
*Don't come at me with any daft 'what if' FA Cup scenarios - If Manchester Reds beat Man City next Saturday, I'll happily bare my arse in Fenwicks window before the Sela Cup in August.